Monday, July 15, 2013

The lost and the found

Let me confess to you. I've done something which I think would make you mad. I know. I'm sorry. But I can't help it. I guess I'll never stop until I know and so I have to check, see for myself. 

I saw his profile. It's him, I know. He's the lucky guy. The one he chose. The love of his life. The one he's happy with. The one that gave meaning to his life. His life now. 

I stared long and hard at the guy's profile picture and there I said to myself, "Ah, I can never be him." 

He's perfect! He's got everything I don't and will have things I'll never get. Not anywhere near. Not in this lifetime.

He's having his perfect life with him. He makes him happy the way I can't. By the sound of things, he's exceptionally intelligent. He has a good career, good looks and a good family. 

He look like his feet never touched the streets. He's so refined, I observed, and the same thing was said by people close to him. Class exudes from him naturally like a gold that would sparkle when touched by light. 

To put it simple, he's pretty. And he looks like he knew it all along and that he was told of it since long. Again, to put it simple, he is everything that I am not. 

But I'm not about to start a pity party or anything, so don't you worry. Sometimes you can compare just so to realize some things, helps you decide or go forward. 

I'm goin' to be honest since this is a confession. Yes, I am jealous. A little bit. But beyond his perfect looks, his perfect smile and his perfect life, I am jealous of the fact that he makes him happy. And complete. That part where I know I failed.

And as I stare more, I felt that he was staring back. And there I saw kindness. It surprised me for I was expecting to see pity. He must be kind. And generous. And honest. And patient. Maybe that's why he has all these. And him. 

It was the end of it. I clicked the "x" mark and with finality, I turned the computer off. It was witching hour and as I change my clothes to sleep I saw myself in the mirror, tired and worn out after a busy day at work. 

At this point if you are expecting some Earth shattering contemplation or realization, or something inspiring, I deeply apologize for I had none.   

I looked at myself, the same 26 year old average guy, nothing exceptional, nothing Earth shatering. And then I nod. I went to bed, closed my eyes and woke up the next day to a new morning ready to live once more. Another day of being me...

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