Sunday, July 1, 2012

The White Party revelation


"So the thumpa thumpa continues. It always will. As Our Lady of Disco, the divine, Miss Gloria Gaynor, 
has always sung to us, we will survive." -Queer as Folk

















We arrived at the scene around 12 midnight. The streets of Orosa-Nakpil was just starting to get flooded with people in their white gears. It was Manila’s White Party and I’m attending it for the first time. And officially, it was my second time gracing the dance floor of Philippine’s official gay mosh pit.

As I alight the car, my eyes landed on an ABS-CBN crew cab. Shit! This is what I’m afraid of. I immediately calculated the possibility of bumping into one of my colleagues.

Now, here’s the thing. My colleagues within the newsroom are not aware of my sexuality although the entire TV Entertainment group knew about it since the beginning. They’re totally different universes inside the company so I thought my secret is safe as long as I’m still an ordinary employee without my name bannering household’s television screen.

Anyway, I dismissed the thought when I felt that paranoia was starting to eat me up. I was there to have fun, dance and of course, flirt around. Nothing should stop that.

I went inside Bed, ordered shot after shot, danced around with friends and watched the program hosted by the fag hag goddess Divine Lee and her gang. IC Mendoza must’ve recognized me and he did try pull me for one of the games. Of course I refused. I already saw Direk Eric Salud on the other side of the ledge and I took it again as a sign that I will be seeing a bunch of people from my field. After all, media industry is dominated by packs of gays and lesbians and it’s literally a small industry to begin with.

But I went on with the dance. A guy I’ve been eye chasing since the night started pulled me up above the ledge and we danced. I was a bit hesitant coz I think he’s got a partner somewhere. And true enough, I found myself sandwiched between them two later on. I was already enjoying the grind when a friend of mine grabbed my shoulder and said: yung reporter ninyo, si ***** andito.

My friend, Ralph, was referring to a radio reporter whom I only know professionally. I mean, we only interact purely for business matters. Outside that, we don’t know anything more about each other.

I panicked. I break loose of my two dancing “friends” and quickly scanned the room.

“Where is he?”

“On your right. Confirmed! I told you, he was eyeing me at the Makati Med last Thursday and of course, I know that kind of look.”

“F*ck, what if he already saw me? Grrr, I knew it.”

“What’s happening?” Another friend of ours joined us and I told her my concern.

“Ano ka ba? Eh ano ngayon eh sa pareho kayong bakla. Pareho kayong sumusubo ng t***.  Get over it! (What are you worrying about? So what? You’re both gay, you both suck cock.)

She was right. So I went back to my previous scene: danced again, more alcohol, more dancing. Yet still, at the back of my mind, I was still worrying.

After a while, I was carrying a pitcher of blue frog from the bar when lo and behold, I turned around and I found myself face to face with Mr. Reporter. We just stood there, stared at each other for like three seconds and afterwards, we both laughed. I just nodded at him and I left for my friends.

If I must explain why I am intentionally hiding my sexuality with those news persons, it’s because of this insane dream that I have. I dream of someday becoming a top news personality in the country. I want to become an on cam television reporter. I know sexuality is not entirely a factor. Sure we have lots of gay TV reporters and I won’t name names, but they’re entirely different cases than mine. You have to understand that I have to start from the very low. I don’t have a good backer. I didn’t come from some fancy university within the metro. I am far from being good looking. All I have in my sack is my passion, a dream and some God-given talent that needs so much honing. This is not about being hypocritical least of all not being proud of my sexuality.

But maybe this is what the Pride celebration taught me. I cannot forever hide the fact from these people that I am gay. Actually, I know that from the very beginning, it’s just that I wasn’t prepared for that moment when I will be caught red handed. To be fair, no one’s actually bothered asking, those people from the newsroom, about my preference. I just don’t want to be boxed within the stereotypes of my sexuality like the many before me who fell victim to it.  

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the party. I left around 4 in the morning and we continued the fun in a friend’s condo somewhere in Ortigas. For the mean time, I guess I’m back with my usual weekend scene. But I discovered that somehow, with those two instances of partying in Malate, I will always go back no matter what. After all, I am gay. I suck dicks. And I’m proud of it. HAPPY PRIDE!!!

18 reaction(s):

Nate said...

partida, you said haggard ka pa nyan before you went to the party.. hahaha!

it's good to know you had a good time.

Aris said...

so, you were there, too. hehe!

ang mahalaga, you had a blast. :)

Bino said...

gay or not, you're still my friend DB. God bless :)

LJ said...

now you become more interesting. Gay or not, you will still be our Desole Boy.

Happy Pride!

Mugen said...

I told myself last Saturday that the White Party is for children.

But after reading your entry, you brought back so many memories of the White Parties I've attended in the past. These events shaped the person you know today.

Thanks for sharing, and Happy Pride, Che.

Désolé Boy said...

Nate - It's true! Usually before I party I make it sure I feel gorgeous. Haha. But Last night, stress and hagardness were very visible. Pimples, eye bags, skin felt dry etc. But I had fun. Hehe. :)
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Aris - Yeah! Where were you exactly?
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Bino - Thank you brother. Your words really meant a lot :))
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LJ - Thank you. Happy Pride as well :)
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Kuya Joms - You're an inspiration to us "youngsters." Happy Pride Kuya Joms :)

MkSurf8 said...

so ikaw pala yun guma-gyrate sa stage! lol

i also came from an industry where I think gays are frowned upon. i'm afraid to really come out coz i've built a name already (sa tingin ko lol). pero praning lang siguro. as they always, baka ako na lang ang huling nakaalam na out ako. hahaha

@aris it was great seeing you again at Bed, friend. kala ko nag retire ka na sa scene. last time I met you di pa nasunog ang Bed. hahaha

rudeboy said...

"But maybe this is what the Pride celebration taught me. I cannot forever hide the fact from these people that I am gay."


That you found that jewel of an insight into what the whole thing is supposed to mean, and didn't lose it after the glitter, glitz, and glamour of the party, is heartening.


Good on you, DB!

imsonotconio said...

i have to agree with aris, ang mahalaga you had a blast

Juan der Last said...

How timely, in light of Anderson Cooper's recent coming out. ;) You can be a big-shot and be gay. Well, if you're Anderson Cooper, that is. Hehehe.

SunnyToast said...

basta importante..nag enjoy yon! lang! life is good! so bongga yan! dpat pala nag attack ako dun para may nakilala akong mga new friendship:)

Désolé Boy said...

MkSurf8 - I believe I was discreet enough. But my friends' photos of me couldn't lie, I guess.
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Rudeboy - One at a time, Ruddie. Someday, I'll be brave enough. Thanks :)
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Conio - I sure did. You had your own little White Party, am I right?
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Papa Jay - I'm no Anderson Coopoer. And will never be. But God be merciful, I want to create my own name.
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SunnyToast - You didn't attend the Fag Day of the Year? Haha. Oh well, see you next time :)

-mark- said...

ano ba yung whiteparty, lasing ako ng panahon na iyan hahaha, .. actually i was there, with a gay and girl friend of mine,wala akong pinapalampas basta me alak.. umuwi ako ng lasing kaya wala akong alam sa mga nangyayari hahaha

c - e - i - b - o - h said...

it's nice to know you've had a good time DB..

Désolé Boy said...

Mark - Sabi ko na tomador ka eh. Nasa itsura. Jooooke! Kamusta? Ba't antagal mo ulit nawala?
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Kiko - I did. Thanks. Were you there?

Mac Callister said...

andun ka din pala sayang di tayo nag kita deebee kakainis ka!LOL

c - e - i - b - o - h said...

nope, but was supposed to go kasi pinayagan ako ni RS nun..

sayang.. hihi

Visual Velocity said...

Sounds fun and exciting! I miss those days of going home late in the morning, hehe

 

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