Thursday, March 15, 2012

The gray man at the iron gym



Today when I looked at him, there was so much difference than the previous. I wonder what brought the sudden change. He was in his usual gray shirt, his above knee red shorts and the numerous chains stringed around his ankle. His snobbish eyes, the rumpled hair, his arrogant chest. To what change? 

Now, all I could see is the million mile distance between us. That no matter how many drizzling days would come, no matter how many glances I steal from him, and that no matter how many prose and poems I write for him, I couldn’t get hold of him. I understand that people may stand less than a foot beside each other, or lift the same dumbbells staring together at a single giant mirror, or even drink from the same drinking fountain at once, no matter how passionate they bring those cosmic collisions, forever it will only bring distance. Like the moon staring at the sun, sharing the same light, yet forever it will remain for night. 

There’s nothing really special about him. He’s not the most handsome, not the nicest body. I could only see him during Tuesdays and Mornings. Many times we’ve been alone together inside the steam room, the sauna, we even change clothes beside adjacent lockers. There must be silence during those especially whenever he will catch me throwing glances, even shameful stares. I will only look at his face trying to memorize every detail of it, preparing for that day when those Tuesdays and Thursdays won’t come anymore. 

If only I could ask for his name. Just his name. So that I can have another thing to remember about him when the usual occurs. When everything I’ve learned to love will be taken away. 

But as I ran pass time in the treadmill, as I train my eyes in might not to look at him, I feel that our distance keeps stretching to eternity. Not only him, gone. There’s me, fading.

____________

I am not yours
Not lost in you
Although I long to be
Lost as the candle lit at noon
Lost as the snowflake in the sea

You love me
I find you still a spirit
beautiful and bright
a spirit beautiful and bright

Yet I am I
Who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light
lost as the candle lit at noon
Lost as the snowflake in the sea

Oh plunge me deep in love!
Put out my senses
Leave me deaf and leave me blind.

Oh plunge me deep in love!
Put out my senses
Swept by the tempest of your love
A taper in a rushing wind

I am not yours
I am not yours

Music by Z. Randall Stroope based on the poem I am not Yours by Sarah Teasdale

14 reaction(s):

Eternal Wanderer... said...

malantod ka!

lolz

canonista said...

Aww... You're heart beats faster, and beat its fluttery wings like butterflies to a flower.

sin at work said...

go! kunin mo na't mag-confess ng bongga! ahihi chos lang!
i feel that way din with some guy (di ako nagji-gym ah! yung sa office lang)
:)

Nate said...

@db: ok na yung post lang eh.. may kanta pang kasama.. ambigat sa dibdib.. *hugs*

the green breaker said...

hahaha. natawa ako kay Ternie!

for that Maria Clara move of just admiring a person from a distance, I give you 5 Ternies. haha. that should be fair enough. :)

Nate said...

@gb: natawa ako sa 'yo, lil bro!! hahaha! 5 Ternies.. PAAAAK! :P

Eternal Wanderer... said...

ako na naman???

Désolé Boy said...

Ternie - We both I couldn't even get close on what you achieved so far in your "career."
.
.
Canon - I like that. My heart leaps whenever I see him, but him, being oblivious to my presence is just as painful. *sigh*
.
.
Sin at work - Thank you for being here. Well, as to your suggestion, I cannot do that. I'm no capable. I wish otherwise, though.
.
.
Kuya Nate - That song is achingly beautiful. I wanted to put some player but I don't know how. It's a favorite choral piece of mine.
.
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Green Breaker - 5 Ternies, I think, are way beyond my capacity. An ounce of Ternie's not even right. I am but a simple virgin boy.

sin at work said...

echos ko lang yun. haha :D
yah it's hard, i know. kahit ako di ko pa ginawang lumapit sa kahit kaninong guy and get their name, etc. mahiyan kasi ako. hihihi
i have no guts to march up to anyone i like and ask for their name. i'm gonna die an old maid/virgin ata. wahahaha chos :D

♔ıǝɹɯɐı♔ said...

Perfection. Anonymity at its best :)

bien said...

from a distance...
so near yet so far...

Rogue said...

with this post.. i remember the random quotes I received about people loving somebody at a distance and they continue being happy for them even if they are not the cause of it... haha emo lang..

http://roguestilettos.blogspot.com/

Victor Saudad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Victor Saudad said...

introduce yourself, rather than the creep who keeps staring. at least next time he catches you staring, he'd smile or nod.

I for one don't make such acquaintances. But i wouldn't like someone who keeps staring...kahit gaano pa siya kagwapo.

 

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