Thursday, September 15, 2011

The letter I would love to read to you in person (In memoriam)

"There's a line in 'Aguila' where a Moro secessionist is told his cause is lost. He replies to him that winning doesn't matter, it's doing what one feels one should do. That's wisdom for you."
-Alexis Tioseco, 1981-2009

My beloved,

Like the many other days before I met you, I was lonely. But then I saw you sitting comfortably on that couch; such ease that really caught me. There was rain that day when we met. That mild drizzling outside, I always find beautiful, captivating without really giving so much effort. And you before my eyes, it could not even match that beauty I used to admire. 

You came from a different world. I know, sometimes, you suspected that was the main reason why I was so drawn to you; because I’m dying to create this convenient escape from the mad industry where I dwell. I am telling you now it is far from being true. I could enumerate thousands of reasons on why I fell in love with you despite my hesitance due to many recurring issues brought upon by my previous delving into the intricacies of love, but nothing in there would say that I’m using you as a convenient escape from my job. 

But I have to admit that being with you, or just by talking to you in the phone, is yes, an escape but not from my field of work, but away from this entirely crazy world, going to a universe where everything is nothing but your love and your tempting lips. 

My dear, you know how I pleaded for you to love me back that one day you said there’s no more “us.” I regret the fact that my rhetoric won’t work on you, that despite my effort to become your handsome Viscount, I was always the Phantom to you. I do not know and I probably would never know what really went in your mind that day, but I thought you were only just curious what lies behind my mask and when you saw that ugly part, you just ran away without looking back, scared. 

I was lonely again. I have mourned my loss of you. I was reduced to many questions on why I could not be enough for you. I blamed myself for not being the best looking, the best thinker – just being the best with anything, just with anything, so you could finally see me worthy of you. But you didn't. And I wasn’t. I was never the best in your eyes. 

I wished I could stop. Stop from still caring about you, stop from thinking about you, stop loving you – or just simply stop, stop with anything that goes your name with it. But now, I realize why I could never do so. It’s because once you decide to love someone, you already tore out a piece of your heart unknowingly, handed it to that person and despite whatever that might happen from then on, you may never take it back no matter what. 

So this is why I want to read this letter to you in person. For the last time, I wish you would take good care and respect that piece of me you have in you. It’s yours and I swear there would never be a time that I would regret I have given it to you. You will always be special to me. 

It is painful to see you happy with someone else, I must admit, but somehow it comforts me to know that you are happy and being loved the way you deserves to be. You have truly found your match. I wish the two of you nothing but happiness. For now, I really must go and take care of mine.


Désolé Boy


This post is inspired by Alexis Tioseco’s “The letter I would love to read to you in person” that appeared in Rogue magazine. 

Alexis and Nika’s love story ended too soon when on September 1, 2009, the two were shot and killed by 3 suspects in their home at 39 Times Street, Barangay West Triangle, Quezon City. 

I write this today, two years after, when justice is still not served, to inspire me to continue believing in love, in my art and in my country, despite countless reasons not to do so. 

Authorities are still on the hunt for the couple’s househelper CRISELDA GESMAN DAYAG, one of the prime suspects of the murder case. A warrant has already been issued for Dayag’s arrest. 

Alexis and Nika’s friends and relatives are offering P1 million peso cash reward for information that could lead to the arrest of the suspects. 

For any information, you can contact them through the following numbers:

+639477211901 | +639053758861 | 02-5263747

Thank you for inspiring us Alexis and Nika. We'll forever miss the two of you. 

12 reaction(s):

Leo said...

Best love letter I've read! Thanks for sharing this DB. :)

Although I felt there's an unrequited love behind the lines, I can no less feel that the person you love is at loss for not having you.

Chin up, you deserve better.

Nate said...

@deebee: aww.. a touching story inside a poignant love letter.. thank you for sharing this one..

you loved, deebee.. that is what's important.. and the foremost words came from you, there would never be a time that you'd regret it...

it is sad that a piece of your heart is lost. but that's just a piece.. a larger part of your heart is still with you and waiting to be parted/ shared with someone who deserves it and who will take good care of what remains of it..

for now, as you said take good care of the larger part of your heart that remains with you.. i know you'll be fine and you'll get by, deebee.. cheer up! :)

don't give up on love, deebee.. "love" is out there.. and if you wouldn't find "love," i hope & pray that "love" will find you..

"love" will find you...


Mr. Brightside said...

Winner line (lack of a better term, sorry)-->"It’s because once you decide to love someone, you already tore out a piece of your heart unknowingly, handed it to that person and despite whatever that might happen from then on, you may never take it back no matter what."

It is difficult to part ways with someone your heart has become accustomed to. Sometimes it results to blaming and questioning oneself.

I hope you know that if there is fault, it comes from both sides. And, there is nothing wrong with you and you are wonderful in your own way. I hope that you find someone who will see that and love the entirety of you, pros and cons, both light and dark.

Be happy DB.

Désolé Boy said...

Leo - Ahh, your words are more than enough. Thank you for the kind words.
Nate - Definitely. I won't. And it is in the very reason why I wrote this where I stand right now. Thank you.
Mr. Brightside - I am very much happy right now, thank you. It is only in the light of the recent death anniversary of Alexis and Nika that I wrote this tribute, to them and to a former love. Again, thank you for your kind words.

A. said...

great blog

Bino said...

indeed a very touching love letter. walang kupas desole!

Désolé Boy said...

A - Thanks for following.
Bino - But not on par with your current cheezy state. Hehe. Apologies for the teasing. It's so hard to contain myself ;p

-mark- said...

ouch, so sad naman yung nanyari. but lalo ako na sad sa sinulat mo, tagos na tagos... bakit ganito mga nababasa ko sa pinupuntahan kong mga blog. sobra akong affected.hahaha..

Nice letter, so touching,
nice blog. thanks for following me, ayan ni follow din kita, and expect na babalik balikan ko tong blog mo.. :)

word verification: popainv -->talagang me pain pa.

^travis said...

i like this post not because it is touching or mushy or painful or poignant. i like it because you have decided to move on and take charge of your own happiness!

that's so huge, man! i'm happy for you.

wv: blest - i think the heavens is agreeing with me, too.

KikomaxXx said...

saan ko nga ba narinig yung dalawang yan.. ay tama sa story line yun... i watched and cried that time.. sakit...

but i'm still happy para sa iyo chong :)

wanderingcommuter said...

hay tragic love story, sad love letters. akala ko ba masaya mainlove?


wonderful post, desole

V1nC3 said...

I really love the honesty of this letter. So heartfelt. I'll probably die if someone sends this to me! Hahaha.


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