Monday, May 30, 2011


I’d like to talk to you about Ilocos with its spectacular dawn, its vast green landscapes where screaming cows chase arrogant goats and the majestic chorus of crickets and bull frogs harmonizing under the night sky. I’d like to write about their three-storey market, the sing-song sound of my cousins calling me manong or adeng, the sprawling river of cold clear water and my future inheritance which include a vegetable farm, a rice mill and a vacant lot where my future rest house will someday stand proudly.

I’d like to talk about Vigan where history clashes calmly with present modernity, my beautiful Barrio Rioeng in Laoag City where my ancestors once floursihed and Batac where the Marcoses would always be Lords. I’d like to regale you with different stories about my cousins – a gang of humblest and simplest people who are the greatest friends I’ll always have. There was nightly inuman sessions where mixtures of Emperador and San Mig Light drowned those who are in the circle. Or sometimes around midnight, we would walk arm-in-arm within the streets of Laoag town proper where we would eat humungous empanada and feast over  mouth-watering bagnet, the best I ever had in my entire life.

But I’m too tired. My body, mind and heart are tired. We were filled with sorrow as our Tatang Tano, my grandmother’s brother, passed away. His final great act, gathering us all under a single roof where once a kind soft-spoken lolo lived with his pomada and an old rumbling calesa. I’m too weak remembering a huddled family mourning over the loss of its patriarch. Too weak from remembering the faces of my aunts, uncles, cousins and many other distant cousins embracing, waving goodbye as tears swelled from their eyes, a deep sadness flooding their faces.

So for now, I’ll tell you about this boy resting inside his white-walled chamber in Bulacan with its wide open capiz window as he try his best to put a tattoo in his mind about his promises…his promise of returning to his beloved Ilocos where once again he could exchange jokes and Ilocano swearwords with his cousins, jump altogether in wild rivers and walk under the wild night sky of Ilocos.

For now the boy will rest and more stories shall follow. But as he takes his rest in his home in Bulacan, he would always think of this home he always have in Barrio Rioeng, Laoag, the majestic chorus of crickets and bull frogs harmonizing under the night sky, the sing-song sound of his cousins calling him manong or adeng, his future rest house and the midnight walks and food-tripping so that way, he will always be home away from home but always nearest.

on my shirt: Ilocano [ I-lo-ca-no] - brown race. Filipino dwellers, hardworking from the north.
Adventurous, courteous, hardworking, courageous people.
Wise spender (aka. nasalimetmet - saan nga kuripot). Producer of garlic,
tobacco, basi, presidents and eminent Filipinos. 

-photo taken by a cousin

Sunday, May 22, 2011

One year of Désolé Boy

On this day, Désolé Boy turns one year old.

There was nothing special that day. I put up this blog and incarnated the person that is Désolé Boy because I was too desolate that time. I had my first full blown sex. I was in love. I was broken.

“Yes. I fell in love with the same guy. I fell in love with a stranger. I fell in love with a one night stand.”
I am your Désolé Boy, May 22, 2010

I would write entries thinking no one is actually reading them. I would write for no particular objective. I would write then for my own pleasure.

Days and months passed, I learned the alleys along the world that is blogging.

On Sequence 1, you were introduced to Désolé Boy. The new guy emerged, the world knows little of him. Sequence 2, Désolé Boy fell in love with a blogger and you witnessed him become more désolé than he already is. The letters bore witness to his pain and struggles, and so are the readers. Sequence 3, you saw him emerged from the hell hole of his unrequited love. The longing for that special someone still swelled though his heart already healed; it was well. Désolé Boy, finally, moved on.

“I survived the war but I did not win the battle
The guns no longer in anger, the canons now tamed.
The air is silent, the deceased scattered.
Look! A mighty soul in standing.
He is not alone.

Denoument, September 26, 2010

There were few attempts to have this blog murdered which would mean the death of Désolé Boy. Now, after a year of blogging and sharing my stories, I am thankful I never did.

Come 2011, I decided I would be less emo. I was, after all, called one, a drama queen, drama personae and many other names pertaining to my drama antics. I hide behind my metaphors and tweaked some of my sentences to make it "happier." But the Black Swan would always reveal its real feathers, and so I continue to be the Désolé Boy that I always am.

“I’m sorry that I can’t write fairytales like most of you do. I apologize that you discovered I’m not a prince charming; for disgusting you after seeing that I’m just a pauper with only his tin cans to boast.”
Space Oddity, March 9, 2011

One hundred and thirty one entries. One hundred and fifty three followers. One year of blogging. 

What can I say but THANK YOU for allowing Désolé Boy a space on your laptops and computers [or your mobile gadgets, so to speak.]

I sincerely hope that in one way or another I was able to move you through my writings because that's where a writer's true worth lies; where Désolé Boy's true worth lies.

Here’s to another year of blogging. Cheers!


Thursday, May 19, 2011


His name is Francesco. He is a man fearfully acquainted with the secrets of nature. His eyes like a morning dew at the tip of a bamboo leaf, twinkling as the early sunshine kisses its face. His breath, like December’s mist, cold but warm in comfort.

Whenever he takes me to his arms, the world gets smaller. In his arms the world is us.

His name is Francesco. And I am his. 

let me call you again with your name, the way you want me to.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fading yellow

The president’s laziness has been the subject of talk not because it is gossip but because it’s a fact not only witnessed and observed by us, media people, but alarmingly also being reported by people within the confines of the Palace itself, even before the celebrated columns of Ramon Tulfo and Ernesto Maceda lambasting the president.

“Night vices” like late night computer games and trips to the hottest gimik spots within the Metro, the likes of Republiq in Pasay, are far from being figments of reporters and critics imagination. There are the Palace households who are well aware of it and a whole host of people also enjoying the same establishments that reported the same thing.

But this is not to re-write what the others already reported but to stand in defense of those media personalities the Palace are now calling “liars” and “tabloid-makers.”

Understand that not everyone in the industry of news media are Conrado de Quiros and Ricky Carandang. It’s funny that the Palace is now pointing their spears towards the same Yellow media that not only helped create his previous campaign but also helped his presidency begin its sail. Perhaps the delusion that Noynoy’s presidency is brought upon by records of achievements and impressive government platforms should stop at once. It is not. Noynoy and his messianic presidency is created by a poorly written history of this nation, the media and the series of propaganda  set upon by more intelligent people.

His defenders, the likes of Justice Secretary Leila de Lima and his team of miscreant traitor watchdogs, could put up all the huge words to drown the reports of “laziness” but the image of Noynoy being under-performer and under-achiever is branded in scarlet bloodstain in the name of all the women he dated every night and the stench of his stubborn cigarettes.

De Lima, now on top of lists to be crowned as next Ombudsman, defended his boss saying “that the president is hardworking.” We could probably give him the benefit of the doubt but not with left and right news of the president dating different women nightly, news leaks of him tripping to Subic to join a club of Porsche loving bachelors and his irritation on working beyond four in the afternoon.

Carmen Pedrosa of Philippine Star, on the other hand, said that the attacks are “personal” and that “these should have been considered before he was elected.” Yes it is personal. It is personal because his demeanor speaks for the nation as a whole. It is personal simply because he is the president of this nation and there could be a lot more problem than who to take out for the night to thousands of jobless Filipinos and the merciless rise on oil prices. 

Noynoy Aquino’s slacking record both during his stints on Lower and Upper House are known to everyone yet he managed to gather a staggering million of votes. Maybe because presidency is not about records of achievements. Maybe because presidency is about honesty. Maybe because presidency is about staying true to their promises. And maybe because presidency is not about growing balls.

The talk of laziness persists not because editors, news desks and columnists insist on it but because the president’s work ethics speak clearly for it. The story persists because there are reports of "appointment papers remaining unattended for months,” “planned projects taking so long to get-off the drawing board” and how “so much official time and resources are spent going after political enemies.”

It’s barely a year and we all know a lot could happen that’s why we have articles like this; we demand improvement. A shift from the righteous path is what the president is famous for, maybe he should start re-tracking his leadership trail and stop being such a stubborn brat. Dealing with the squabbling factions within his administration won’t solve the nation’s problems neither is referring to the previous regime from time to time nor hiring a “big time crisis PR man for a makeover of Noynoy's image costing a fantabulous amount.”

To critique is not to dictate and never to hate. It is to participate, to speak-up and to engage. Noynoy already proved his worth to the millions of Filipinos who voted for him, its time he earn the nods of those who did not believe in him a year ago. The job begun on that fated morning of June the past year and will continue for the next five more years even when the singing fades, the yellow blended with red and heroes stripped of their memories.


-with reports from Manila Times, Philippine Daily Inquirer, The Philippine Star and ABS-CBN
for comments and other reactions, e-mail them to desoleboy@yahoo.com

Monday, May 16, 2011

Landian sa Santacruzan

Nakareceieve ako ng text message mula sa isang kababayan dito sa Bulacan nung isang araw at tinatanong ako kung pwede daw ba 'kong maging escort nung pinsan niya na sasagala sa isasagawang Santacruzan/Flores de Mayo sa barangay namin. Siyempre pa, nasuya kaagad ako sa ideya na mag-e-escort ako. But let it be noted na hindi ako out sa amin at kilala akong isang certified na "Lakan"at hindi isang "Lakambini."

Ang ginawa ko, nag-text back ako at sinabi kong "magiging busy ako kasi ako ang magmemake-up sa mga pamangkin ko na kasali sa Santacruzan."

Totoong kasali ang mga pamangkin ko pero hindi totoong ako ang magmemake-up sa kanila dahil hindi ako marunong pero ako ang naghanap at pumili ng mga gowns at suit na isinuot nila.

Last Saturday ginanap ang Santacruzan at masasabi kong nalampasan nito ang mga expectations ko considering the fact na barangay level lang naman yun. Pero hindi ko akalain na magiging extra special yun dahil sa kanya...

Sa simbahan pa lang pagdating ko, papasok pa lang ako eh namataan ko na siya. Pinapaypayan niya yung partner niyang hindi naman kagandahan at mukhang na-late ng isang taon para umattend ng inaguration ni Pangulong Noynoy (look at her flowing yellow gown, silly!)

Sobrang cute niya sa mga paningin ko ng gabing yun as in nagha-hyperventilate ako. Nabuwag lahat ng mga preferences ko, unang-una na dun ang "age limit." Never akong pumatol sa ka-age ko or worse eh mas bata sa 'kin. Ang minimum requirement ko eh 30 years old pataas at ang ceiling naman is my father's age which is 47 or 48.

Tuliro na ko the whole night. 'Di ko alam kung iilawan ko ng lusis yung mga pamangkin ko, makikipag-chikahan sa mga kababata ko sa barangay o pupunta dun sa hulihan ng prusisyon kasi andun sila nung partner niya. I like his smile, the nerdy looking glasses, yung mataas na hairline niya and his bubble butt. Sexy ang loko sa personal, promise!

Ang daming naging challenges sa paglandi. Una, siyempre dapat doble ingat kasi one wrong move eh siguradong headline ang kabaklaan ko sa dyaryo ng mga barangay tsismosa. Pangalawa, sobrang na-guilty din akong lumandi. Santacruzan is supposed to be a religious activity eh naturingan pa kong Marian devotee tapos dun ako mismo lumalandi.

Pero keber na sa lahat ng reasonings ko. Sabi ko, siguradong kapag pabalik na sa simbahan ang prusisyon eh rowdy na ang crowd at dun na ko siguradong makakadiskarte.

At hindi nga ako nagkamali...

Habang ang lahat ay nakatingala, admiring the beauty of the bonggang-bonggang fireworks display sinimulan ko na ang aking maitim na balak. Bwahahaha!!

Nagpakilala ako and I used the ancient pick-up line: "hi, I think we've met before coz you look family, I mean familiar..." Natawa siya at yun na, yun na ang start of something new. At "nag-duet" na nga kame ala Troy and Gabriela.

And since men don't kiss and tell, I'll leave the rest to your imaginations guys...

However, since yours truly is still a boy, ikukwento ko nalang siguro senyo sa YM ang lahat-lahat, hehe.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Sunday Piece 014: Noble Truths

The gist of [Buddha's] basic analysis is given in the famous sermon at Benares . It consists of the "Four Noble Truths"

[1] Existence is unhappiness

[2] Unhappiness is caused by selfish craving

[3] Selfish craving can be destroyed

[4] It can be destroyed by following the eight fold path, whose steps are: (1) Right understanding; (2) Right purpose; (3) Right speech; (4) Right conduct; (5) Right vocation; (6) Right effort; (7) Right alertness; (8) Right concentration.

-from "The Teachings of the Compassionate Buddah" by Edwin A. Burtt

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Face to face with Osama bin Laden Part 2 (Inside the Philippines)

The more horrifying scene would be Osama bin Laden in flesh, stepping within the Philippine soil itself. It happened almost two decades ago, in 1992.

“Bin Laden presented himself as a wealthy Saudi who wanted to invest in Muslim areas and donate money to charity. Then President Fidel Ramos even allegedly authorized the use of C-130 airplane to fly bin Laden from the capital, Manila, to Mindanao. Others said bin Laden allegedly met with several government officials who helped him purchase property and set up bank accounts.  -Ressa, 2003

Bin Laden inside the Philippines could only mean one thing, his war against the United States of America is once again spinning fast; a huge step in what would later the world will dub as the 9/11 attack.

I felt sad that once again the extreme level of poverty of the country is used for these men’s plans and so once again, we are helpless. And the worse, we are clueless.

It was here in the Philippines that the plan to attack the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York was set in motion. Soon to be high-jackers actually trained here. And for finance, members of the al-Qaeda cleverly used women from the red light districts of Manila. They courted them, gave them all the promise every Filipina dreaming of catching some foreign prince to whip them away from poverty would want to hear. Every count of dollar means a favor like opening a bank account and transferring of money using the names of those poor women. The girls did so obediently. But the papers of the accounts they opened, they never saw it again. So are the guys.

Philippines became a haven for terrorist plots. Not only the 9/11 attack but even the plot to assassinate then Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto. While in preparation for the United States attack, more al-Qaeda members entered the country through the back door that is Basilan, known to be headquarter of the Abu Sayaf Group. Together, they plotted more terrorist attacks and sad to say, some of the plans were actually realized later. Like the bombing of a church in Jolo in 1991, the bombing of Fort Pilar in Zamboanga City that killed five people and even an assassination attempt during Pope John Paul II’s visit to the Philippines in 1995. 

Most of the bombings are made just to test the bombs created by al-Qaeda experts. Not only that they are concocting those elaborate mixtures of chemicals within the bounds of our country, they are actually testing them on us.

“Intelligence officials now know that two al-Qaeda members were inside the Abu Sayyaf base camp on Basilan Island one day after the September 11 attacks. Yousef spent only a few weeks in Basilan in August and September 1994 before deciding to do his own bombing. He returned to Manila, established contacts with the members of the network in place, and began to fine-tune his bomb plans. Yousef was an expert and an innovator; the bomb has set off at the World Trade Center in 1993 had been used only once before 73, 000 explosions recorded by the FBI. In Manila, he developed and tested what became known as his specialty. -Ressa, 2003

And so the Philippines is sitting on a series of well orchestrated time bombs.

Face to face with Osama bin Laden Part 1 (Target: The Philippines)


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

Betty is finally getting her famous braces off, but before that, she gets knocked unconscious and gets a peek at what her life would have been like if she would have never needed braces. Apparently, while a portion of her life falls into places that she always dream about, the larger part turned out to be all messed-up and a total nightmare. 

Betty: I can’t believe that I’m in cahoots with Wilhelmina. How can having perfect teeth change me this much?

Betty’s New Dentist: Let me break it down to you. Having braces is hard right? People make fun of you and it hurts your feelings which made you compassionate. Pretty-Teeth-Betty, people fall all over her and went in her hand.

Betty: Everything is so screwed up. Claire and Daniel hate me and Wilhelmina and Mark love me?

Betty’s New Dentist: Oh, Mark doesn’t love you.

Betty: What? He couldn’t have been nicer.

Betty’s New Dentist: Well not to your face.

Betty: This is terrible. It can’t stay this way. It has to change. I have to change it back.


I had this idea of arranging a one-by-one friendly meet-ups with most of the guys who dissed me. The benevolent purpose is to ask these gentlemen of their reason(s) on why they rejected me. Of course I know it sounds crazy but I thought maybe this little experiment would actually help me the next time I decide to go back to dating scene, maybe help me formulate a few do’s and don’ts, maybe help me become more "dateable." 

I thought about it long and hard, proof that I'm serious with it and I already told one of them guys about the plan. But as with Betty’s epiphanies, I realised I don’t need them. If things about me did not agree with those guys’ preference before, then maybe their rejections are probably the most right thing that should happen. 

Maybe if I didn’t get all those “no” from them I could have ended up being the new town whore, or maybe half of my friends wouldn’t exist or worse, I could be very fat and ugly now! One rejection that would go gone missing could lead into something fatal.

Those rejections made me doubt myself even more, I must admit. I still do and still have self inflicted issues on matters of confidence but I’m actually surprised at the rate of how I’m dealing with them lately. 

Betty, despite realising her braces are part of herself that brought her to where she is now, still decided to have them removed by the end. That’s what I’ve been doing now. I’m removing my braces not because they caused me shame and pain but because I have to move forward and leave them with the past where they belong. My braces, I mean those rejections, would always be part of me though I’m not wearing them anymore. And I will always be very thankful that once I have them with me. I will always remember that once, there was a boy who despite his young age braved all those rejections, a boy who still managed to smile beautifully even with those braces/rejections on. 


On a different but still related note...

It's like somebody I know died. I received so many condolences on Facebook, Twitter, on my cellphone and even here on my blog (di ba Papa Jay? Hehe) though ninety percent of them are actually concealed gloatings. 
Lakers lost.

But it's all good. 'Di naman ako napipikon. All I can say is...

Live. Love. Lakers! See you next season!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Manifesto 01

Almost one year in blogging and I still feel like a newbie. News surprises me the most learning how this community seem to span on a sprawling web of connection varying from friendship to sex, love to hatred and a duo to clanship. It amazes me, really, and often times after amusement comes the realisation that I belong nowhere here; a drifting paper with skewed letters in it.

There are few instances where the demolition of this blog seemed to be the only logical thing to do especially during my fatal entanglement with a fellow blogger which ended up me doing the three I's of Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love, only it doesn't mean Italy, India and Indonesia but rather Iyak, Iyak and Iyak (cry, cry, cry). But that was all gone and finished, although a few tabloid makers seem to be sucking out the few details but I think I'm cleverer and those I'm referring to won't get anything more other than those slip of few people's tongue.

Second is when I digress from my so-called noble reasons writing here. Why do I write? Do I want to entertain you here? Do I want popularity? Am I simply looking for hook-ups? Or as Wanggo Gallaga said, am I contributing to this massive array of senseless "self-promotion - putting up bits of information that nobody is really interested in?"

Here's why I blog (though I know I'm far from being called a true-blooded blogger). This blog will continue to stand because of a promise I once made. This blog will continue to stand even if it means no more than three people reading and commenting on it. This blog will continue for as long as there are readers who would argue about my thoughts, relate to my drama concoctions and dream about a handsome Désolé Boy, far from the reality his mirror dictates.

I will blog because there are voices banging on my temple. I will blog because I want to plagiarize the present, alter the past and choreograph the future. I will blog because I am responsible for giving you The Désolé Boy. I will blog because I want to and as of now, I know that I need to.

Should Désolé Boy cease to exist, it would only mean one thing – the writer is at last free.


Let this be a reminder to myself of why I draw pictures of creatures I'm seeing in my dreams. 

John Paul II and the people of Malolos

MALOLOS City, Bulacan – Joining the entire faithful of the Catholic Church in celebration of the beatification of the now Blessed John Paul II are the people of the Diocese of Malolos led by its bishop Most Reverend Jose Francisco Oliveros D.D.

Bulakenyos burst into tumultuous applause as Pope Benedict XVI in Vatican City pronounce the formula of beatification; a step closer to a declaration of sainthood.

The Malolos Cathedral in 1999 was declared by no less than John Paul II to be the 10th Minor Basilica in the entire Philippines so that its official title became the Catedral-Basilica Minore de la Inmaculada Concepcion or the Minor Basilica and Cathedral of the Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception.

Today, a Mass of Thanksgiving to be concelebrated by the bishop and members of the Malolos clergy will be held in the Cathedral at 6 o’ clock in the evening.

Also, a one day exhibit will be held at the lobby of the Basilica Minore Office featuring memorabilias and relics of the late Pontiff.

A vestment of Pope John Paul II handed to the former bishop and now Bishop Emeritus of Malolos Most Reverend Cirilo Almario Jr. during the Papal visit in 1981 will be put into display.

Bishop Almario said the vestment was given to him by the Pope’s secretary after the mass.

“I was very surprised to receive it and I am very thankful and honored. That is why until now, I am really taking good care and preserving this vestment,” he said.

published May 1, 2011 for a certain publication and is of course written by yours truly

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Minsan ako’y nangarap
Buhay ay puno ng buhay
Pag-ibig ay walang-hanggan
Kalangita’y mapagpatawad.

Noo’y bata ako’t walang takot
Mga pangarap gayon na la’ng nasayang
Wala ‘ko anumang pangamba
Bawat himig akin nang inawit

Subalit may dumarating
Mga kampon ng kadiliman.
Baka ikaw ay sakmalin
Hanggang magkagutay-gutay.

Kasiping siya sa tag-araw,
Ang alay niya’y ligayang tunay
Ang puso ko’y hinamak niya
Wala na siya sa tag-ulan!

Nangangarap pa ako
Siya’y babalik sa aking piling
Subalit sa daigdig na ito
May unos na di kakayanin.

Ang lahat ng pangarap ko
Iba sa aking dinaranas
Ang buhay ko’y impiyerno na
Ngayon pangarap ko ay patay na.

"Nangarap ako ng isang pangarap"
-halaw sa orihinal na salinawit ni Pete Lacaba, "Sa Panaginip Ko" mula sa orihinal na awiting "I Dreamed a Dream"

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