Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The metaphysics of singlehood

I am single. I’m single in a country with the loveliest sunsets and the most romantic men the world has ever seen; where the word “love” is etched on pack of noodles and where February comes monthly, hence the term “monthsary.” You look at the police blotter and you’ll see files dubbed as “crimes of love” and if you’re lucky, you’ll find in the middle of a crowded street a dancing traffic aide blowing kisses to irate motorists – Manila’s very own King of Hearts.”

It is hard and painful being at this state of singlehood especially when billboards around you advise you to wear pastel color underpants and you'll find “The One,” the love of your life. (Just to make sure, I did buy and wear one but still nothing happened.) It’s hard to take note of all the pick-up lines the primetime teleseryes invented with Sam Milby teaching you how to say “mahal kita” in full American twang.

It is difficult to hide in my khaki long sleeve polo, tight worn-out jeans and black leather Wrangel boots when everything in me yells about me being single. The furious red pimple on my right cheek, the sprawling stretch marks on my ass and the threatening nails of my feet rambling for a decent pedicure – all spelling out a single word: SINGLE. 

I never really dated for no one could put up with a person like me. I would shamelessly write down our conversation in a damp piece of Starbucks tissue paper, lock eyes with you while reciting The History of the Kingdom of Negros and correct the use of "s" in your verbs. I'm afraid whenever the temperature would go low and I would have to constantly piss under the falling sky while consulting the half-eaten moon for its approval. 

There's a revolution inside my personal nation and the uprisings focus on one main ancient issue - romance.  My Executive Secretary insisted on buying a Porsche because it equates to being single. The only problem is that I've been scraping from a two hundred peso budget a day plus the elusive coins under my mattress and filthy drawers that I couldn't even afford a single orange.

Let me tell you why I’m writing about my singlehood. I write about me being single because if I don’t, I would turn mad. I write because I’m 23 and still single in a country going mad about love and I thought I should be part of that madness no matter what. I write because I’m protesting against God that I’m a virgin yet nobody finds me holy.

And because writing is all I can do. I don’t have bulging muscles to flex, no dashing smile to flash away or an 8-inch dick to fire you up on bed. I write to point out that I’m single, and always been, and it is pointless because I am binded by the letters of this world's pornographic standards, rejections and self-loathings within the twenty three years of my existential suspension.

I am single. I’m single in a community who constantly tells me that I am single. I’m single and I don’t wanna care anymore if my taxes would be spent for your condoms and whatever other things I’m not allowed to touch. I am single. I’m single and that gave me the authority to get drowned in Margaritas and Tequilas, kiss the doorman at the local pub and flirt with a Catholic deacon on his way to priesthood. And because I am single, I’m allowed to end this post without finality, although in the tradition of every literary piece, I have to provide some form of ending notwithstanding. And so to ending, of this post but not of singlehood, I give you three dots and a smiley in the hopes that it will haunt your living spirits from here on. 

. . .   =)

17 reaction(s):

green breaker said...

it's not fishing, is it?

or, baka naman kasi wala kang gusto..

red the mod said...

This entry disturbs me. Mainly because I identify with a lot of the issues you have enumerated. But because I empathize with them, but in a former life I vehemently would, but because it has the voice of a broken man, whose life revolves around a reality of solitude threatening to engulf him alive. It is a very dank and despotic perspective you are harboring, lethal to some and depressive to most.

I cannot blame you though, for the recidivist view of incompleteness stemming from a lack of a partner. But refrain, you may, from believing that the reason for your status can be diluted to you being not within the parameters, preposterous and absurd standards, that our subculture is forcing down our throats.

We have the choice of leniency. Always. Ask yourself, would you want a partner that stays with you because of any of those reasons? I though so, too.

Superficiality is rampant. It would be a waste for intellectual astute individuals to fall in the reigns of that curse.

I offer this as an opinion, and not an analytical deduction, coming from my own set of histories. Maybe, one is single because subliminally/ sub-consciously he himself in unfit, unready, and unequipped to be in a committed relationship.

The day you accept being single not as a status needing revision, but as a fact that requires no equivocation, is the day you are ready. When you feel no need and no longing of breaking solitude, that is when fate concurs with a syzygy of romance.

nOx said...

mahal na kita, db. mwah! :)

Papa Jay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Papa Jay said...

DB: Hang in there, bro. As much as I would like to say that I've gone through much worse, I know that won't really help you.

For me, the problem is not so much about being being single, as it is about dealing with loneliness. And loneliness comes, even when you have a partner. I think we should start to work on dealing with this so that IF the right guy comes, we're ready. IF he doesn't, then we're still okay.

red the mod: That was...mind-blowing. A million thanks! If i should get the chance to meet you, I would shake your hand, and treat you to dinner.

DB's welcome to tag along. :)

Alter said...

@Nox, lol I know right! Deebee, bawal ba talaga ang incest? Haha.

You won me over again. Mahusay, mahusay.

Jay said...

It may not be much to offer but this I could say...

I am single too so you are not alone.


Spiral Prince said...

But I am single, too, DB! You're not alone. :) Why not channel all the love you feel you have to give to yourself? :)

Nimmy said...

Psssst. Incest daw oh! LOL

Galing mo talaga magsulat! At talagang binasa ko 'to kasabay ang Kiss The Rain ni Yiruma. Ahihi

KikomaxXx said...

nice chong.. sana naman ang susunod kung mabasa eh i have found someone,... hehehe

orally said...

DB, reading this made me remember another entry of yours which was just as good. I forgot the title already but it's an open letter to your future lover.

I love this esp the first par.

RainDarwin said...

And so to ending, of this post but not of singlehood, I give you three dots and a smiley in the hopes that it will haunt your living spirits from here on.

I always admire those writers with philosophical beginning and a touching ending.

I love the way you write. Hugs and kisses.

Sean said...

i love this entry db.

Kane said...

Ahhh.. DB, to be young and to be in love with love. I wonder how you would feel when you're 40 and single? Would you still write the same way?

Probably not. The longing may be more intense, the sadness deeper, the hope more pronounced. Who knows.

Only then, perhaps, will we truly understand the metaphysics of being single.


Ako si Yow said...

Being single is the new black. Uso na yan. Haha. Magsama-sama tayo. Ikaw naa! Ikaw na ingleserong single na depress. Haha.

Bienthoughts [a.ride.to.life] said...

I write because I’m protesting against God that I’m a virgin yet nobody finds me holy.

Ganito na ba talaga ang structure ng culture natin ngayon? Haha. But in a way, nararamdaman ko yan. Noon kasi kapag virgin ka pa, mataas ang tingin sa iyo ng mga tao. Ngayon, kapag virgin ka pa, kulang na lang isampal nila sa mukha mo ang panglalait dahil wala ka pang experience.

I remember a former friend once told me, Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity - and that was the last time we talked. He just made me feel real ugly. But along the way, I've come to realize that there's a perfect time for everything. Man, you're only 23, I had my partner @ 25 and obviously we didn't last. You got a way to go dude.

for now, enjoy your authority to get drowned in Margaritas and Tequilas, kiss the doorman at the local pub and flirt with a Catholic deacon on his way to priesthood and a lot more.

Keep rockin! :D

Sennaya Swamy said...

Every one has come alone to the world and leave alone to the other world one day.


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