Monday, March 21, 2011

Romancing the pain

For once, aamin ako na hindi ako okay sa paraang walang ligoy. No confusing metaphors and diversive poetic verses.

I am not okay. Patung-patong na kasi. Pero hindi ko kailangan ng awa. Salamat, pero 'wag na kayong maawa sa 'kin.

It's so painful. Ang sakit pala kapag ibang tao ang nagsabi sa 'yo na nakaka-awa ka kahit alam mo na rin naman sa sarili mo na nakaka-awa ka naman talaga.

It might sound egoistic,selfish and all haughty and proud, I don't care.

Whatever happened in the past, I think I managed to pull myself together well, pride and dignity intact. Huwag naman sanang kunin sa 'kin yung mga nalalabing yun. Yun na lang ang meron ako. Ibalato ninyo na sa 'kin yun.

Kung ano man yung meron ngayon, kung ano man ang meron sila, hindi na 'ko kasali dun. Nasa ibang aklat na 'ko. Wala na rin ang mga nakalipas na pahina. Lahat yun, pilit ko nang kalimutan dahil sawa na kong magalit at ayokong makasakit.

Iniisip ko na lang pinagbabayaran ko na ang mga ginawa ko noon. I know I did things, terrible things during my rebellious years, but I changed. I know I'm far from being good, but I'm trying. I'm trying...and here's what I got --humiliation [and lies].

And so, I thank those people who instead of saying "kawawa ka naman" said "nah, it happens dude."

Hindi ko na rin alam kung dapat ba 'kong magpasalamat sa mga taong nagsabi sa 'kin pero sige na nga...salamat na rin sa inyo.

Maybe next time I'll finally get it right. But for now, I'll sleep. So that tomorrow I could face my mistakes with the little pride I've regained myself. 

Until then...see you my friend




2.35am 20th of March│Désolé Boy en route to Mount Olympus to meet Elmer, The Greek God of Glue

___


I am me. I am fine.


Don't pity me.


For a soldier, his pride and honor are his greatest shield and weapon. With the countless struggles, which include rejections, persecutions and physical defilement, in the twenty three years of my life, a lot has been taken from me: a normal family; my manhood; a comfortable life; different chances.

But all through that, I managed to grasp firmly with my pride. Because like what this general who chose to end his life in his own hands said: living without pride and honor is a tragedy bigger than death itself.


I am fine. Don't pity me.


I am me. I am happiness.


To pity someone is to look down upon that person. Compassion and mercy are what it should be, because for compassion and mercy to happen, one must either descend to that person's miserable state or lift him up away from that cauldron of hell.


I am fine. I don't need your pity.


I am me. I will conquer forever.


I will be fine.


12.17am 21st of March│Désolé Boy en route to Purgatorio with Dante and Virgil






19 reaction(s):

Papa Jay said...

For whatever it's worth, the night is always darkest just before dawn. Hang in there. :)

This is from somebody who's got something to smile about these days.

Mac Callister said...

just hang in there my friend...everything's gonna be alright soon.

:-)

Axl Powerhouse Production Inc, said...

sabi nga nila everthing will be oki, you pray to the lord... :D
smile na :D
c

canonista said...

We all go through the same situation where the universal justice of karma seems to have caught it with us.


Pride, I agree, is one thing we hold on to... The last remaining foundation of our ego. To some, they will crash down like castles rumbling down after its foundations were destroyed... I agree, same with me.

Pity is the last thing the broken needs. We don;t need pity, we need push, we need drive, we need a reminder that we can still walk forward and overcome whatever phase we are going through.

I will not say that I do understand what you are going through, DB. One thing I know and agree upon, are our thoughts about pity and pride. I agree on your opinions about the two.

Here is a song for you... Read the lyrics and I hope you'll like it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZuskwmcQGg

Mr. Chan said...

I can so relate to you,...

Kung pwede ko lang din i-open ang pinagdadaanan ko, baka mas nakaka-awa pa ako sayo.

:D

Goodmorning! :D

Ester Yaje said...

kawawa ka naman. LOl. sus ganyan talaga ang buhay. kahit di ko medyo gets yung pinagdadaanan mo. eto at e-sh-share ko nalng ang isa kong pampahappy na move pag sad ako. uminom ka nang gatas tapos tumambling tambling ka sa kama. haahaha. try mo. masaya

Kane said...

Hey DB, your title talks about pain but reading your entry, you seem to be ... angry? I could be mistaken but your tone and how you wrote it suggests that you're a bit mad. At someone.

There are good days and not-so-good ones. I hope the storm passes quickly. Or.. that you find some shelter. =)

Kane

KikomaxXx said...

chong kalama ka lang jan.. hehehe parati ka atang galit sa mundo.. wahehhe...

Kyle said...

kung ano man yung pinagdadaanan mo, isipin mo nalang at gumawa ka nalang nga ng paraan para masolusyunan ang mga iyon.

kaya naman di ba? goodluck DB.

ARchieVINer said...

Everything will be ok. Kaya mo yan

shenanigans said...

i can relate to this sobra... kaya ayokong masyadong nag o-open up sa mga hindi ko pa masyadong kilala o lubos na kilala kasi ayokong kinaka-awaan ako eh..

pero ikaw? ok ka lang ba?

tara! labas tayo libre kita para maaliw ka naman... ching!

soltero said...

What's goin on, Baby Des?

(Sorry I've been remiss of my bloghopping duties for a while now)

Ikaw pa nakakaawa? Don't think so..sobrang talented mo no..

Keep your head up! You're alright!
btw..i really like your profile pic!

Spiral Prince said...

it will pass, DB. it will pass. :)

Yj said...

yes DB no matter what, you walk with your head held up high!

Will said...

I kinda can relate to this post. You shouldn't be pitied, db. You should be admired, coz in the end of this problem, you will emerge as a stronger person.

Mr. G said...

heto lang masasabi ko..."just hang on"

Désolé Boy said...

salamat sa inyo.
.
.
sa mga nakaka-alam kung ano nangyari...tapos na po. hayaan na natin yun. ayoko nang masali. i'll keep my silence na.
.
.
sa mga umunawa at nagmalasakit, salamat ;D

Leah said...

Naku.. I recently had a post, like this one.. YUng feeling o, super down ka na. YUng parang wala ka nang patutunguhan, karga mo ang lahat ng problema. Depressed, frustrated, disappointed.. lahat na.

Like you, naging rebelde din ako dati. Did some things.. na nahurt ang family ko, mga friends ko.. Now, medyo ilag na sila sa akin. My so-called friends, I mean. Ang family ko, andito pa rin todo suppport. Still, hindi ko na maiaalis sa isip nila ang mga nagawa ko dati. But well, I'm doing good naman ngayon.. TRYING to do good. yes.

Siguro ganun talaga ang buhay. Minsan, nagkakaproblema tayo. Minsan masaya.. na parang walang iniisip na kung anong problema.. lovelife, family, career. Minsa, panalo.. minsan naman, talo.

God has a plan. I'm quite sure na yung nangyayari sa akin ngayon, it's part of HIS plan. Making me stronger and wiser along the way. And I'm sure ganun ka rin.. Kung ano man ang nagawa mo, it's in the past na. Kung ano mang nangyari, it's history na.

I don't you that you should be pitied upon. Kasi lahat naman ng tao, nagkakaroon ng mga ganitong experience.

Everything will turn out fine, eventually. Keep the faith.. and SMILE! :)

P.S.
Bisita ka sa bahay (Ako si LEAH) and check out my post. Siguro in a way, makakrelate ka rin. :)

kalansaycollector said...

gusto kong sabihin na "kaya mo yan" pero unfair naman na yun ipayo ko. ni hindi ko nga alam kung ano pinagdadaanan mo...

so ill just wish na everything will be well.

 

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