Friday, March 25, 2011

I refuse to grow up

You dance with your straight male colleagues ala-Masculados as the Batasan PA played "you don't have to be rich to be my girl" with crumpled papers and ball pens flying at your direction from a giggling crowd of press. Managed to whip up a revenge-sex and I'm feeling devilishly triumphant like some villain from a primetime teleserye. Bought Maria Ressa's "Seeds of Terror" and threw coins on a wishing fountain without anything in mind. All these, thanks to the all-great Flying Spaghetti Monster and Elmer, the Greek God of Glue.

In a few days, I will lose my job. I was reduced to the last bit and was insulted by the salary offer since the company cannot carry more the burden of my very small rate. It's always been like that, 80% of experience and 20% of your skills, not minding the fact the you do charity in your own job by doing four positions like news desk, reportorial, technicals then writing, all at the same time. I will lose my job because that's what they want to so I would like to call it an elaborate lay-off. I could do nothing. I'm not a regular employee, all ten of us, as with the thousand case of many media practitioners.

I tried bringing up the tears. I, after all, learned to show compassion for the struggling organization and I did my best to try and keep-up with the fast pace of competition.

I tried bringing up the tears like I used to but all I can muster is a hefty laugh and my crazy shenanigans. Tomorrow I will refuse to do my job and dance away with my Peter Pan friends at Republiq. Next next week I will empty half of my bank account to buy that camera I've been lusting for so long and I already said yes to a trip somewhere in Visayas to take it on a test-drive with my gang.

I failed, I know and I'm waiting for that huge sound of thud to come so I could cry and run to mama and look and sound miserable. I know I could call a few people and tell them what happened and in a month or two I'll get another job, probably. But why am I not having those meltdowns like before? I don't know what I'm expecting or even looking for but something is terribly missing.

Like before when a guy I dated would never call back after. Like then when I lost in a declamation competition back in high school. Like then when my father left to continue his work abroad. Like then when a classmate accidentally broke my mechanical pen.

Friends didn't say "you can do it, hold on" but instead, the fuckers just laughed and said "that's what you get from being so idealistic." Mama didn't say "it's alright anak" but said "kumain ka na, punyeta ka 'pag nagkasakit ka na naman magbabantay na naman ako sa ospital." And what else? My goddamn father called me and said "come here, my boss wants to meet you." You're probably wondering what's the punchline so for your information he's in Bahrain and it fucking martial law there! Goodness!

It was my bestfriend who told me what's happening.

"Bes," she said "that's what you call maturity. And alas, you meet him for the first time."

"Oh boy! Really now? But I refuse to...."

She just shrugged.

When I thought about it, I think I refuse to be mature. Being a child, a kid, is always easier. You think of the things you thought you need. Then you want it. Then you go for it. If you'll have it, you're happy. If not, you moan, you rant and the universe will conspire to deliver it to you because poor you would never stop crying, tears and slimes oozing from nose and mouth and then that's it!

And that, I think, is how it should be! I am kid for fuck sake! So what the hell is happening now?

On a lighter note, since I'm a proud uncle, thought I'd share this to you guys.

That's my niece Gabby from Korea. Her mom, my cousin, sent this via Facebook.

Don't worry Gabby, uncle is smiling!!

16 reaction(s):

Axl Powerhouse Production Inc, said...

sabi ko naman sayo my bro.. kaya mo yan.. dasal ka lang lagi... makakanahap ka din...
in a lighter part.. ang cute ni pamangkin ehehe :D

nOx said...

hongkyukyut ng bebe!!! :)

Mu[g]en said...

It makes me wonder why I still stick with my job despite the low pay. Perhaps, its the idea that somehow, I feel being kid there.

Fought many difficult battles in the past, and it turned my world upside-down. I guess, in this arena called career, I am giving myself entitlement to enjoy a little slack.

Mu[g]en said...

The kid is cute. We are all proud uncles to the kids who could have been ours.

Désolé Boy said...

I'm not asking for a high pay. All I want is a decent one. One which can allow me travel from Bulacan and Metro everyday, buy my favorite bananas from Dole and give a little something for my mother. Just enough to sustain my living, no pleasures and leisures at all. And they deny me of those simplicities.

Nimmy said...

i'll now start calling you kuya Dboy. hihi.

God bless! Enjoy your rest days :)

Yj said...

the best part of being a kid is the comfort it gives that no matter what you do, no matter how reckless, careless you get... it's okay

you are just a kid after all...

gaya ko... hihihihi

aaaaaaaw your pamangkin is really adorable... naka make-face pa yan.. how much more pag nakangiti na... :))

Spiral Prince said...

Aja, desole boy! \o/

Guyrony said...

Desole Boy maturity enters our lives when we least expect them to.

And we can't refuse them for they might never come in again.

And that will be synonymous in losing your life.

Mr. G said...

We all have our Peter Pans and wings, and it feels good to have one, but we have to grow no matter how comfortable we are with it, or no matter how neurotic it may seem. It's a rite of passage--where wisdom comes with it.

Peter said...

Hey, I should be at Republiq then. . . with you guys. But I wish you well dear friend.

cArLo said...

there were times when i'd wish i could be a kid again...
like when the pressures thrown at me by my work was getting almost unbearable i'd wish i was in grade school again where i could just pretend i'm sick or have lbm and then my mom would just let me stay and not go to school. or waaay younger when i'd just throw a fit when i'd want pizza and then a few minutes later we'd go to a pizza place.
unlike now. although it's harder to be mature i think it's better and more rewarding. crying just to have ice cream (or have things done for you) may be easier but working your butt off to have more than just ice cream is way better :)
ang cuuute ng niece mo ^_^

RainDarwin said...

sana at 30's news director ka or sikat na news anchor.


kalansaycollector said...

shucks... hay... well age is just a number. we are actually kids who never grew up... but we are forced to act like adults because the society wants us to.


orally said...

Good luck and have fun Peter Pan

thecuriouscat said...

you can always try to look for a new job, look at me 12 companies so far and still kicking hehe there's always hope just keep on trying 'till you find that very elusive ideal job. grow up but don't lose the child in you, you need him when you least expected it


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