11th of May. almost a week after being 'devirginized' when Francis (not his real name) entered the frame. the sadness brought about by my so-called love in a one night stand were still intense during that time and am so glad he stepped forward, i finally have someone to talk to about it. person to person. face to face.
francis is a newly graduated nurse currently reviewing for his board exam this coming July. he's about the same height as me (am 5'7) maputi, boyish and according to him...straight.
we've met thru a chatroom in a certain blog site. we hit it off instantly and so we decided to meet here in our town -malolos.
he's very cool to be with. i recounted to him almost every detail of my recently concluded first time sex and how i tragically fell in love with that person i've been with. on his side, he told me a tale of a recent break up with his girlfriend who left him for his so-called bestfriend. we talk and talk for hours till dark. the day ended na buddy-buddy na kame. umaakbay siya and naaakbayan ko na din siya. nabibiro ko na din siya and ganun din naman siya saken.
actually, he told me he wanted to experience same sex intercourse. we came to a appoint na almost meron na mangyari, but then we were in a public place so we opted to hold on to our sanity so as to avoid any conflict. i knew then he was all for it. inside my head, my train of reasons were racing whether to pursue him on that aspect or not. and so i hesitated to go further.
as of now, we're friends. nagbibiruan kame ng mga bagay na sexual pero ako na yung unang umiiwas. maybe i don't wanna lose the kind of relationship we have right now. and most of all, i don't wanna derail him from his goal of passing his board exam. isip ko ba eh baka makaistorbo ako sa kanya.
while writing this entry, i was chatting with him. binibiro ko siya na baka nagchachat siya dun nga sa chatroom kung san kame nagkakilala (it was a blog site for gay indie films, so gays and bi ang mga patrons)he said no, he isn't. dahil ako naman si curious, pumunta talaga ko dun sa site, also to look for someone to talk to or whatever might come up. surprisingly, there he is. asking for guys who're also from bulacan.
wow! i really don't know what to say or feel after that! there's this weird stir i am feeling within my insides and i don't want it. i don't like it. are you thinking what i am thinking? i hope it's not (cross fingers)
[photo credit: exilelifestyle.com]